before there were blogs...

Before there were blogs there was free open diary and xanga.  And I had both.  I was trying to find a poem I wrote 10 years ago that has been running through my head all day, but evidently my massive book of writing doesn't have any of my poems...except for one.  This was posted to Free Open Diary 2/4/2004.

**Disclaimer**
This is not my best.  I wrote this about the after day after the after party of my Senior sorority formal.
Back story:  I smoked and it dove this boy I was 'seeing' nuts, he hated it.  He had a tendency to drink too much Southern Comfort. 

SoCo and Ciggs
They stare each other down
Across the stale hotel room
The bottle sits in the mini-fridge
The pack sits on the nightstand
"Never again" was said last night
"Promise this time" was the only reply
He rises for the remote
Seventh Heaven is getting old
She lunges for the pack
Shouldn't have stood up
He picks the pack and she the remote
From each other's hands

They stare each other down
In the stale hotel room
She won't give him the bottle
"Not after last time"
He won't give her the pack
"Not after your roommate"
She opens the cap
He flips the top
Pouring down the sink
Breaking over the toilet
They smile
 Going back to the night before

6 months in waiting

I've been thinking of this post for a long time now. I'd say I probably written and re-written it again and again in my head. But now that I'm typing...here it is.

I started on a journey last November when my long time, long lost friend Ana ((that's her above when we went on this crazy road trip in 2006)) came through the drive through at Sonic with her new boyfriend. I saw it in her eyes, she was going to marry him...in the Temple, and I wouldn't be able to go. I wouldn't even be invited if I could go in the Temple because I had got so caught up in everything else that I didn't even know she had been dating this boy for like a year.

That was my reason for going back to church.

A year later my kids had found their home in the nursery and I was still too scared to go to Relief Society. I avoided the Bishop like the plague because I was so worried he'd see right through me and realize I wasn't who they thought I was.

I don't know what this blog will be about. My kids? I do have a lot of cute pictures. My spiritual journey? Yeah, that could be a novel. Re-finding my friends? That would mean they have to forgive me ignoring them for the last 5 years.

Since seeing Ana that day at Sonic I shared in he wedding reception and have re-found our friendship. She may not know it, but she's still one of the main reasons I go to church every Sunday.